Updated: Jul 7
My life as a very ambitious adult along with my fixed mindset pertaining to certain aspects in my life, has hindered me from executing this blog post in a timely fashion. However, I was still able to make it happen on Myrna Love Day which is every 5th of the month. So many great things have been happening in my life in reference to a new passion project I am working on, new opportunities for my brand, meeting new people both platonic and romantic, and of course all of this has been coupled with some new challenges and realizations. While life is moving fast in these and other ways, I had to take a moment to realize that it is indeed Summer time, one of of my favorite seasons of the year, so it is time for me to enjoy the great weather through different experiences, while I can.
In the process of working so hard on my (purposely undisclosed) passion project, I was able to step away at times to recalibrate with friends and family, and in the process, I did meet a new romantic interest. This person came into my life at a time where I was feeling the most confident while basking in the glow of my self- love journey. However, I quickly learned while getting to know him, that I still have some more work to do on myself when it comes to matters of my heart. I have done a pretty great job in regards to loving on me, even allocating the 5th of each month to myself, and intentionally learning and unlearning new things about myself that require edification. But, when it comes to me being vulnerable and allowing another person to get close to me, I seem to still operate in fear in that specific area.
This realization, at times truly sadden me because almost on a daily basis, while getting to know this man, I have created unnecessary narratives in my mind which encourages me to intentionally sabotage this connection due to my fear of being heartbroken, which in turn, naturally pushes him away at times. Despite my ways, this man continues to stick around despite what he may be going through in his personal life, and at times, I am not optimistic in him doing so for much longer, and that terrifies me. Knowing how much more work I need to do in this specific area in my life, in order for me to receive love in a healthy way, has given me a clearer path towards my healing, but the question that lingers for me is whether or not I am able to be in a happy, healthy relationship while on this healing journey? I ask this with all intention of remaining true to myself, while also knowing that me meeting this man was to teach me more about myself, and to also show me that majority of the things that I am seeking in a man is actually attainable and not as far fetched as I imagined it to be. I am learning how important it is to build on a friendship which serves a foundation for any relationship. Nothing stable can take place if the foundation is not steady and secure, therefore, it is time for me to get my foundation in order for myself and my future relationships!
I have learned more than anything that it is important for me to take a long good look in the mirror for me to get to the root of my issues, that transparency in communication and consistency is essential, and I must stop creating unnecessary narratives in my mind in order to attain happy, healthy relationships. Funny enough, at the beginning of our early conversations, this man would bring up the topic of root issues and how important it is for everyone to get to the bottom of their individual issues so that better relationships can take place. He mentioned all of this before I uttered a word to him about my romantic background, which says to me that I may exude pain or a somewhat damaged energy. Although shocking and somewhat disappointed, I am relieved in knowing more areas in my life where I must change so I can live the life that I so passionately wish to have.
A close friend of mine, has also been helping me out on this journey. She has helped me with my outer appearance in reference to my skin care, and with my inward appearance in how she has poured into me while I go through this chapter in my life. Her, along with a handful of my closest friends have been able to remind me of who I am as a person, while also being honest with me in regards to what I have been exuding in my dating life. All of these words of encouragement and edification I have received from those closest to me is not taken for granted because I know that these people want to see the best for me in my life, therefore it is highly encouraged and appreciated.
Despite all of this, I am still managing to enjoy my summer the best way I can through visiting new restaurants with friends, by myself, and on sporadic dates. I am currently visiting my friend in Atlanta, and look forward to different travel opportunities throughout the rest of the summer and year. All in all, I am still in a deep reflective space that has not allowed me to get much out in my personal writing. I believe this is due to me really needing to be in a more still, quiet place where I am able to have conversations with God over my realizations, meditate and pray more, and coming to a space of acceptance of who I am, where I am going, who I am working on becoming, and who I want to be there with and for me throughout this journey.
With me approaching 40 years old next year, it feels like I am in a hurry to get every aspect of my life in order before during so. Meanwhile, I am still reminding myself that this is not a sprint but my very own marathon that I should be able to run at my own pace. Also, my most fave quote ( as you all may know), "It's not how you start, It's how you finish." I will continue to keep these reminders in mind as I continue on this
Self-Love Journey towards intentional love and happiness of self so that I can welcome love into my life the way I deserve to experience it.
Thank you for the love and support along the way, everyone. It is much appreciated.
No matter what, never forget to:
Lead with Love.
Your Dope Colorful Dreamer,